Atychiphobic
by TripleCat
Summary: A Charmeleon that cannot face his trainer reflects on his journey here-with his trainer, and his departure-without his trainer. A prequel to Acrophobic, written by EkaSwede. Acrophobic also has sequels by ScytheRider and A Rhapsodic Soul titled Autophobic and Apeirophobic.


This is a prequel of EkaSwede's Acrophobic. Acrophobic has also spawned multiple sequels by other authors.

In chronological order:

Atychiphobic

Acrophobic by EkaSwede

Autophobic by ScytheRider

Apeirophobic by A Rhapsodic Soul

* * *

Atychiphobia- A fear of failure.

"Atychiphobic"

" _A Charmander! The perfect Pokémon!"_

It was fun being a Charmander. We traveled across the world together, just you and I, fighting the gyms and helping one another. We understood each other back then. Looking at you, sleeping right now, I felt a sudden nostalgia for everything we used to have, everything that's gone forever...

One night while resting after a particularly grueling battle, when I was still your only Pokémon, we laid under the starry skies. "We're fighting for ourselves, you see, not to prove to others that we're strong. We're improving ourselves while helping others. But no matter what we do, even if we fail, we never give up. That's what Pokémon battling is all about."

I didn't really understand what you meant. But I knew that your voice was pleasant to listen to and you were warm, so I snuggled into you further. You happily sighed, comforted by my fire. We lay like that for hours, taking shelter from the night in each other. Being a Pokémon battler wasn't a bad life, not with you around to help me.

When I was absolutely sure you were asleep, I slowly rose. My curiosity got the better of me and I needed to know what the strange thing in your bag was. I reached around you and unzipped the bag, nearly getting my claws caught in the process. But I had done it. Opening the small metallic box was more of a challenge, but the hinges were surprisingly vulnerable to slashing. A smell of fresh leaves burst out, and I savored the scent before emptying all the contents into my gullet. _Mints._ They tasted good, like ice, except it didn't dissolve into water immediately in my mouth. I threw the empty tin into a nearby river. _Splash!_

You wondered where your mints were the next morning, as you were absolutely sure you had them in your pack. "Did you take them? They aren't good for Charmanders to eat, you know." You turned your searching eye onto me, knowing my fascination with human foods. I hid my guilt as best as I could, although the pain racked my body with a shuddering, burning feeling.

It wasn't until I had to be taken to a Pokémon center for stomach pains when I finally confessed. Even then you were thoughtful enough to find mints that were made for Pokémon, just so I could experience that wonderful taste again.

 _Why do you need perfection? Aren't you happy with me right now?_

For as long as I could remember, you were a part of my life. Your red hat and pokéball swept into my life as a wild Pokémon and captured me instantly, before I could fight back. Even then, I was a failure...

I don't blame you for that. You couldn't have known about my fear. You still don't and I feel guilty every time you say 'Charizard'. But I won't be able to evolve for you. You'll never see those wings that you love so dearly, not while I still have this sickness.

When I first evolved in that water type specialist's gym, I knew I didn't deserve the reward. I lost, and why would I be rewarded for losing? You treated me to a fancy-looking spicy poképuff, one that evidently dealt your budget a heavy hit. But you were happy for me, happy to see that I was one step closer to becoming a Charizard. Closer to perfection. But what I saw was that I was too big to snuggle into you now.

 _I'm sorry for not being a Charizard._

We were climbing up a snowing mountain, hoping make it to the gym at the top. Looking at you, one would think that you froze based on how blue you were. You still struggled on, however, carrying me when I collapsed, hoping I might be able to use my control over fire to aid our flight from the snowstorm. Instead of helping you, I fainted.

Another trainer ended up finding us when you collapsed as well, and she took us to a nearby hospital. When you woke, she asked you, "Why isn't your Charmeleon a Charizard yet? He's at a high enough level, and if he was evolved, he could have flown you out of there." You looked away, with your face burning, and I knew it was my fault. It was my cowardice that hurt you.

We were running down a path, rushing to the next city, when an angry rodent charged out of the grass. Fighting the Pikachu was the hardest battle I've ever been in. I ended up not being able to defeat him, and fainted. You caught the Pikachu with the aid of your Bulbasaur, who never let you down. I was always weaker than your other Pokémon, and I knew that it was my own fault, my punishment, for refusing an integral part of myself. The Pikachu for his part also despised me, just as you should have, for not being able to fight effectively.

You battled your friend when you made it to that city, and nearly won flawlessly. He chose his last Pokémon, a Bayleef to battle me. Everyone expected him to lose, one simple ember attack from me and the fight would be over. But I wasn't able to muster up the courage, the passion, to summon any fire and burn the Bayleef, even as he tore into my body with razor-sharp leaves. I fainted again, and you suffered the knowledge that I would never be perfect.

 _I'm sorry I can't be perfect._

The Pikachu spoke to while we were training. "Why didn't you use a fire-type attack against Bayleef?"

"I...I was afraid...I can't use my fire w-while I'm afraid..." I dreaded his response.

"You can't use your fire?" Your Pikachu looked at me incredulously. "What kind of useless fire-type are you...you're not worth anything to a serious trainer like ours."

I responded slowly, trying to defend myself, but a heavy shadow settled over my heart. "I'm trying to get better, h-honestly."

The Pikachu didn't care. He sneered at me, saying, "You haven't improved at all. _Why don't you just go and drown yourself or something?_ "

His words resonated within my head for a long time.

 _I'm sorry I failed you._

I finally understood what I needed to do. It's not your fault that you caught a malfunctioning Charmander. I don't want you to keep losing because I'm a failure. I have to find a way to end my madness, to solve your problem.

One night, after a particularly crushing defeat at the hands of a gym, you released us all from our pokéballs and spoke to us atop a mountain.

"We may have lost today, but we will keep pushing forward. We will keep fighting for our goal, because that's what we do as battlers. We don't give up, and lie down. No! We have to keep moving forward and become stronger!"

Your words were particularly rousing, and even made the ever-grumpy Pikachu look a little brighter. It hardened my resolve, and I decided to finally conquer my fear. I swiped a fire stone from your pack while you were distracted, but it was a pleasant surprise for you when you heard my thunderous roars. You looked on in joy as I finally achieved apex perfection, the perfect Charizard to carry you everywhere you wanted to go. This was my dream, my ultimate joy, to see you beaming as we crossed the rivers and mountains together, just like old times. Our battles would be the stuff of legends, and I would never be a failure to you again.

Hah! If only…everybody has to eventually wake up from their dreams...

The speech did nothing but make your other Pokémon look at me pointedly. I looked down and tried to hide my shame as you laid out your sleeping bag. I felt like I had eaten another human mint and was having the chest-pains again.

 _I'm sorry...I'm going to have to fail you once last time before you can finally be free of me._

I felt the cold, yet fresh breeze against my red scales. It was somewhat refreshing, giving life to the fire on my burning tail. I watched you sleep in your sleeping bag, having stopped to rest at this beautiful place.

I had silently broken out of my pokéball this night, I looked up in the starry, cloud free sky, and the moonlight offered me enough to see where I was. You picked quite the nice spot to sleep at, not too far away from the cliff, the edge of which I was staring out of.

The radiant light of the stars reflected on the water, something that could hurt me gravely if I was exposed to it. I slowly walked up to the edge. My heart thundered in my chest, unrelentingly, and _painfully_ , reminding me of my duty. This night was one that I would not waste.


End file.
